Middle Finger Epilogue

The six months after the horrific accident that nearly lost me my middle right finger were frustrating, boring and painful. With my whole right hand, my main hand, out of action even the most menial of tasks were an effort. Wrapped up in a ball of bandages for most of this time, the finger was still extremely raw and sensitive, even a slight bump would bring on a wave of intense pain that would bring me to the point of vomiting.

Here are some things suffered from the receiving the most painful (and painfully lame) accident of all time:

I had to drop out of uni for a semester because my hand was useless. I was in the final stages of my Visual Communication degree and was left unable to do any practical (or impractical for that matter) work what-so-ever. My only choice was to defer and hope i could pick it back up in 6 months (Fingers crossed… well, finger crossed).

My diet had become finger food (ironically). I had to have meals pre-cut for me so i could eat with just a fork. I wasn’t able to hold a knife let along provide the pressure needed to cut things. Anything i could cook without actually cooking and pick up with one hand became my only rations.

I had to learn to wipe my bum left handed. I know, it sounds silly, but have you ever attempted a wipe with your other hand? Give it a go, i’ll wait… See, the co-ordination isn’t quite there, is it? The first few times did not go so well but I eventually found my groove… so to speak.

I was off the road for a few months, unable to drive my manual car. I think even an automatic would’ve caused me grief. I was house bound (I don’t do public transport). I’d have probably hitch hiked but holding my hand out for that amount of time to thumb down a ride would’ve made me pass out from pain.

My dating life (which wasn’t much to begin with, let’s be honest) was now non-existent. My injury wasn’t quite so bad that I got any sympathy and wasn’t quite so good that I could carry on as if it didn’t happen. There is nothing cool about an injury that was a result of sitting on your own hand, no girls want’s to date a dude with a busted finger. Needless to say, my left hand “pulled up the slack” on those duties too.

As you can see, this seemingly simple injury had utterly destroyed my life.

12 months later…

So, after a long year finally a hint nail was attempting to grow, but it struggled. Nails being made up of hair meant that the new nail was growing out from the knuckle like piano wire. You know that pain from when your cuticle is cut a bit short? Imagine that 24-7… Brutal. Putting my hand in my pocket too quick would make me dizzy with pain.

It was about this time I could first start resuming day to day tasks such as writing, cutting, drinking & wiping that had eluded me for those previous months.


And here it is almost 8 years later… I still have nerve damage up the arm and neck from it, and if it is cold it aches (he says like a war veteran), but for the most part it has healed up nicely, definitely  much better than the Doctor (who had considered chopping it off at the knuckle) had prepared me for. It still looks a little odd but it has left me with a hell of a story.

The finger today is a little different looking but I think it has given him character. If you ever meet me in real life, yes, I will let you see and touch the finger.

So, i guess the moral of the story is always be careful sitting down, lest you cause yourself  debilitating, grievous bodily harm… or something to that effect.

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