The 7 Stages of Airport Poopin’

Anxiety: Having to use an airport toilet close to your flight’s boarding time. There are usually only 2 stalls per men’s room and people get nervous before flights and nervous poo’s are notoriously nasty.

Fear: When the lock doesn’t work and you have to hold the door shut as people continuously try barge their way in as if their lives depend on it, like you’re shutting the door on a bomb shelter as A-Bomb’s are raining down.

Disgust: When the guy in the stall next to you sounds like he is birthing a small horse. You move your feet over a bit in fear of getting some splash back (or worse) on your shoes.

Indignity: When you see the man emerge from his stall post poop, sweaty, exhausted and looking as if he is escaping from an axe murderer, looking over his shoulder to make sure it isn’t following him as he limps away.

Disgrace: When you notice the same man in line for your flight as you begin to board. He averts his eyes, not wanting to be seen for the bowel shame be bought about on his toilet bowl.

Resignation: When the man lumbers up the aisle of the plane, checking his ticket again and again, hoping it will change but knowing destiny has put him next to the only witness to his stinky crime scene.

Acceptance: When you are in fact the noisy pooper!

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