1 New Message
This is a text exchange that happened to me not too long ago. Think I’m okay to post it now the heat has died down but just in case I’m still in the dog house (so to speak) I’ve changed the names of those involved. Enjoy.
*BZZ BZZ*
Stan: Hey mate. Where is it you send your dog when you go away?
Me: Newcastlepetresort.com.au I cannot recommend them highly enough. Why, thinking of checking the Mrs in for a spell?
Stan: This is the Mrs, I’m using Stan’s phone >:(
Me: … woof? …
Ps I can’t help but feel a 
would have made that above faux pas a bit softer…
Filed under 
What’re urinal lookin’ at?
Pick a Urinal
Does this happens to you, fellas?
So you go to a public bathroom, either at work or in a pub or the like, somewhere where there are multiple toilets in the one room that are a mix of urinals and cubicles.
Personally, if I’m going for a Number 1. I will head for the urinals first. But when you enter and all the urinals are taken you have to resort to a cubicle instead. In this instance, I tend to keep the door open, as if to say “I’m not shitting, just pissing here, yo”.
Now this is when things start to get complicated. So you’ve gone in to a cubicle to wee because the urinals are taken but then those guys at the urinals finish first and leave whilst you’re still in the cubicle, door open, weeing.
Then some new guys come in and see this empty bathroom, urinals available, and you peeing in a cubicle like some freak.
It’s about this time I feel like I need to defend myself and explain that I had to take the cubicle due to availability but I’m really a urinal guy, just in case these guys think I’m insecure about peeing in public or something. I think this way despite never having entered a men’s room, seen a guy peeing in a cubicle with the door open and thought “you pathetic loser”.
That’s why when I’m done in the cubicle i like to leisurely leave it out as I say a few hellos before putting it away, zipping up and washing my hands , just so there is no misunderstanding about my public bathroom comfort.*
*This is not entirely true… I sometimes don’t wash my hands
Tales from Movember: Pt3
Due to no demand, the offending mo
The Final Insult
Cute girl: Hi.
Me: Hey.
Cute girl: You trying to grow a mo for Movember?
Me: Not trying, succeeding.
Cute girl: That? Nah, you’ll get there but that’s no mo, I get more off when I get my lip waxed.
Me: But… It’s November 27th! If it’s not there yet it won’t ever be!
Cute girl: *Tisk* Shame.
Me: Oh…
Cute girl: Are you registered? That really is so pathetic I feel I should donate or something.
So, like the stranger who felt pity for my feeble attempt to grow a mo’ and suffering a month of embarrassment, you too can donate to me. Or you can donate to Movember in general, it is a great cause and a lot of fun, despite all my moaning (see below).
PS I will be shaving at one minute past midnight tonight, should I auction off the hair for more money?
Tales from Movember Pt2
The Dentist
Dentist: Alright, just put your head back and open your mouth wide.
Me: aighhh (speaking with my mouth wide open)
Dentist: Oh my god!
Me: Wha?!
Dentist: I’ve never seen anything like this.
Me: Huh?
Dentist: It’s horrible!
Me: Wha wha!?
Dentist: It’s… some sort of growth on your lip…
Me: … huh?
Dentist: It’s some ginger, fuzzy growth, it’s disgusting.
Me: Shu ud *shut up
Dentist: I’ll do what I can but i work primarily in the mouth, you might want to see a plastic surgeon about it.
Me: *sigh*
Tales from Movember Pt1
The Men’s Room
I am at the urinal doing my business when a man walks in sporting an awesome mustache and begins using the urinal next to me.
Me: Wow, that’s awesome!
Him: Pardon?
Me: I wish I could get mine to grow as long and thick as that.
Him: What!?
Me: You get much money for it?
Him: 
Me: 
He finishes his business quickly and leaves in a hurry. It’s not until he has left I realised I never mentioned I was talking to this man about his mustache.
Expect more Tales from Movember on Ginger Ninja as the month comes to a close. It’s not too late to donate to me. Or just donate in general, it is a great cause and a lot of fun.
