In the video rental system, the people are divided into two separate yet equally important groups: the people who hire the movies and the customer service representatives who tolerate them. These are their stories.
One of the most enjoyable parts of working at a video shop is watching how different people deal with hiring adult films. I say enjoyable, but enjoyable in the same way Curb Your Enthusiasm is. Cringe-worthy situations that you can’t look away from. There are a many breeds of porno renter, here are just a few:
Firstly, there is the undercover guy who hovers around the weeklies section, walking slowly up and down the isles, doing fly by’s past the porno section but never quite stopping. Once he sees that the store is empty of any other customers they hurry over, pick out a few and rush to get served before anyone catches them… Which of course made me go slower.
Then there is the I-didn’t-do-it guy, who will hire an adult film, then return it late, but deny ever having hired it when confronted with overdue fees. On more than one occasion I had to confront a I-didn’t-do-it guys wife with said over due’s. Awkward, but hugely entertaining.
The chameleon would grab a pile of any old weekly to surround and hide the one adult flick in the middle. They casually hand you the pile and try talk to distract you from noticing it as you scan. I would of course ensure the one adult film ended up on the top for all to see.
Giggly-virgins are a young couple that would come in (never the ones you’d want) and giggle as they spend ages checking out the covers before deciding to hire one, or more often than not, not hire one.
Some people would actually ask for what we had “Under the counter” like they’d been given this super password that allowed them access to stash of super porn under my counter… there was no such porn. We just called these people creeps.
The weirdest of all was this one guy who was a bit funny in the head. He’d come in late most nights right before we’d close and pick one adult movie and rent it. He’d then return it in the after hours return chute. He’d then come in the next night and do it all over again. If that wasn’t creepy enough, he came in one night, made his selection, then came to me at the counter. A scan of his card (step 2) revealed a Pop-up message which read:
DO NOT ALLOW THIS MAN TO HIRE ADULT FILMS. HE HAS REQUESTED THIS HIMSELF AND DOESN’T WANT US TO LET HIM HIRE THEM ANY MORE.
He had requested a block on his own card for all adult movies!? He didn’t want us to let him hire them any more? How do I tell the dude standing in front of me he himself has requested a ban on himself? I ignored the message and let him go off with with his nightly treat.
The real tragic thing about this whole thing is that we only had R18+ “porno’s”… there is nothing good in them at all, maybe some boob at best.
… or so I am told.