In the video rental system, the people are divided into two separate yet equally important groups: the people who hire the movies and the customer service representatives who tolerate them. These are their stories.
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One quiet night I was working with another guy and a man came in, he must have been 7 foot tall at least, easily the tallest man I’d ever seen in real life before. I was at the counter and had to watch on as my co-worker pretended the man was Godzilla and acted as if he were many fleeing Japanese people as the man wandering about the store.
He soon grew tired of this (he was being very convincing and must’ve exhausted himself) and went back to stocking the shelves.
He soon came over and exclaimed loudly “How fucking tall was that…”
He had forgotten one of the most important rules about retail services jobs, keeping the in store head count. The freakishly tall man had not yet left, he was simply leaning down between the shelves inspecting some weeklies. When he’d heard my co-worker say “…fucking tall…” he elongated himself to full height again and leered over towards the counter. Realising that the man had just unfolded behind him my mate quickly recovered with “… chick before” as if changing the sex would spare him from being caught.
The funny thing was, the giant man believed him and began asking questions about this made up woman. Turns out he had a problem meeting many women on account of his height and he was interested in this mythical tall woman. We played along, painting this tall woman in a glorious light, until he finally left.
Feeling a bit guilty we each kept an eye out for any particularly tall women that happened upon the store so we could play cupid… we never did find any.
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In the video rental system, the people are divided into two separate yet equally important groups: the people who hire the movies and the customer service representatives who tolerate them. These are their stories.
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One of the most enjoyable parts of working at a video shop is watching how different people deal with hiring adult films. I say enjoyable, but enjoyable in the same way Curb Your Enthusiasm is. Cringe-worthy situations that you can’t look away from. There are a many breeds of porno renter, here are just a few:
Firstly, there is the undercover guy who hovers around the weeklies section, walking slowly up and down the isles, doing fly by’s past the porno section but never quite stopping. Once he sees that the store is empty of any other customers they hurry over, pick out a few and rush to get served before anyone catches them… Which of course made me go slower.
Then there is the I-didn’t-do-it guy, who will hire an adult film, then return it late, but deny ever having hired it when confronted with overdue fees. On more than one occasion I had to confront a I-didn’t-do-it guys wife with said over due’s. Awkward, but hugely entertaining.
The chameleon would grab a pile of any old weekly to surround and hide the one adult flick in the middle. They casually hand you the pile and try talk to distract you from noticing it as you scan. I would of course ensure the one adult film ended up on the top for all to see.
Giggly-virgins are a young couple that would come in (never the ones you’d want) and giggle as they spend ages checking out the covers before deciding to hire one, or more often than not, not hire one.
Some people would actually ask for what we had “Under the counter” like they’d been given this super password that allowed them access to stash of super porn under my counter… there was no such porn. We just called these people creeps.
The weirdest of all was this one guy who was a bit funny in the head. He’d come in late most nights right before we’d close and pick one adult movie and rent it. He’d then return it in the after hours return chute. He’d then come in the next night and do it all over again. If that wasn’t creepy enough, he came in one night, made his selection, then came to me at the counter. A scan of his card (step 2) revealed a Pop-up message which read:
DO NOT ALLOW THIS MAN TO HIRE ADULT FILMS. HE HAS REQUESTED THIS HIMSELF AND DOESN’T WANT US TO LET HIM HIRE THEM ANY MORE.
He had requested a block on his own card for all adult movies!? He didn’t want us to let him hire them any more? How do I tell the dude standing in front of me he himself has requested a ban on himself? I ignored the message and let him go off with with his nightly treat.
The real tragic thing about this whole thing is that we only had R18+ “porno’s”… there is nothing good in them at all, maybe some boob at best.
… or so I am told.
In the video rental system, the people are divided into two separate yet equally important groups: the people who hire the movies and the customer service representatives who tolerate them. These are their stories.
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As I’ve mentioned before, signing up a new customer was may be the worst part of working at the video shop. To keep the line moving smoothly everyone goes through the same simple steps:
Step 1. Enthusiastic welcome
Step 2. Membership card is presented
Step 3. The password is recited
Step 4. I scan the videos (possible banter occurs here, but is not a required step)
Step 5. Pay for said videos
Step 6. Pleasant farewell
Step 7. Repeat
You’re in your groove then, all of a sudden, you’d go to serve someone (Step 1) and ask for their card (Step 2) only to have them say “I’m not a member, I need to join up”. This was like yelling “Stop the Presses!”. A video shop relies on operating off the simple & quick process of the above steps. When someone holds up the line the shit goes crazy. As a result you tend resent people that want to become a member and can often be a bit short with them. After this particular signing up though I was never short again…
So, to join up you need 100 points of ID which was basically a drivers license with another piece of corroborating ID like a bank card etc.
“I don’t drive” he says.
That’s strike 2. Non licensed people are the worst, both in this instance but generally in real life too. By this stage I am acting like a real prick as the line of disgruntled customers grows longer and longer.
“Well, what ID do you have?” I spit at him
“Gun license? Well, gun licenses.” he says as he drops multiple state gun licenses on the counter.
*long pause* “… Um … I suppose that’s okay” I reply.
The rest of the sign up process was done in a pleasant manner (re:me trying to nice all of a sudden) but he saw through my act and stared at me the whole time. I finally finished and he was on his way with a bag full of Ultimate Fighting Championship & Steven Segal DVD’s. Just as he was about to walk out the door he asked me if i wanted to see his shotgun in his boot and then laughed maniacally…
I wondered, if he had a car boot, why didn’t he have a drivers license?I never did asked him about that.
In the video rental system, the people are divided into two separate yet equally important groups: the people who hire the movies and the customer service representatives who tolerate them. These are their stories.
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Some of the most common passwords used amongst the video shop trade are names, mostly those of children, pets or partners. This particular post is about those short sighted young men that pop in for a DVD with a girl on date night, make the chivalrous gesture of using said girl as the password on the card and not thinking about the future ramifications, like say, the next time they come in and it’s with another girl.
The look in a guys eye as he hands over his card and realises he is going to have to mutter his ex-girlfriends name is one of utter panic and distress. They know they can’t circumvent the fortress that is the password, they’re inevitably going to have to say it in order for the new date to continue.
Sometimes I’d help a brother out and say he is due to “update his password”. This is completely fictional, it’s simply something I created to help the poor fellows dodge a bullet. They’re often so relived they don’t think straight and would make the new password the new girls name and the whole cycle starts again, only next time I may not be there to save them. (Apparently making your password at the video shop your girls name is a sure fire seduction technique.)
Occasionally you’d get the jerk being a douche about the whole thing, the guy who thinks if he’s a big enough dick and pleads ignorance long enough i’ll let him hire without saying it. Not on my shift. If such a jerk occurs, i’d give him clues such as “rhymes with…” or “maybe it’s your sisters name?” or my favourite “that blonde you always come in with has this name”.
In the video rental system, the people are divided into two separate yet equally important groups: the people who hire the movies and the customer service representatives who tolerate them. These are their stories.
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
One night I was signing up a new member (one of the worst parts of the job) and it came to the part of the form where the new member needs to pick a password for their card.
Me: And what would you like your password to be, it can be up to 6 letters or numbers?
Them: Don’t need one, mate
Me: You require one so we know the card is yours and not someone else’s, it’s to protect you from others hiring on your card (normal spiel)
Them: Not necessary, mate, here’s my password…
At which point he turned around and pointed to the back of his head. He was shaved bald with a tattoo of a WARNING label on the back of his that read “Does not play well with others”… He turned back around and said, “that’s my password”
Me: …
Rather than question him again I wrote in the password down as HEDTAT… I then wrote a note on his membership to pop up upon scanning his card saying:
Make sure you ask this gentleman for his password
Bet one of my co-workers had fun with that one next time he came in…
